Afternoon Pick-Me-Up: Laura Siani

Laura Siani, sometime Maxim Hometown Hottie and, well... I mean what else is there to say?  

If You Watched “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” Last Night…

...I figured you might want to know that d*cktowel.com is now live.  My roommate Dan who also works for the internet looked up the URL last night during the show.  There was no site ("Did you mean 'd*cktrowel.com'?"), but he checked again today, and whoa, so many MS Paint penises!  Includes a bonus video from the Always Sunny dudes.  "A girl with the towel on works too." As the site exhorts, "Join D*ck Towel Nation!"  It appears you can actually order as well. Nothing about this is safe for work: d*cktowel.com.

POWER LUNCH

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4gINmooqH4] FListed friends Heeb Magazine are hosting a big Jew party on Christmas Eve, "Heebonism," in a bunch of major U.S. cities.  It was featured on the Travel Channel's Extreme Wild Parties, so there's that.  Vid above, tickets at Heeb. Jennifer Lopez Sex Tape Details. (Bossip) Meryl's Middle-Aged Threesome Party. (FilmDrunk) Paz de la Huerta Naked in Some Movie Called "The Limits of Control" of the Day. (Drunken Stepfather) Christina Hendricks Looking Great as Usual. (DRW) Alessandra Ambrosio Beach Photoshoot in St Barths. (Totally Crap) Bar Refaeli - MTV 2009 EMA - HQ Pictures. (UseMyComputer) Girl Gallery: Amerie. (Complex) Lamar Odom Says He Wants To Start A Family "Right Away" With Khloe. (I'm Not Obsessed) Where In The World Is Jenn Brown? Catch The Future Erin Andrews Tomorrow On CBS Strikeforce. (Busted Coverage) The Saddest Handjob in America, Louis C.K. Stand-Up. (Uncoached) Hire a Real Thug on Craigslist. (Guyism) Most Infamous Celebrity Interviews. (PopEater) Boob Warmers? (The Frisky)

British Beauty Queens Fight in Nightclub Over a Man Named “Tornado”

Ah, the British.  Give Britain's millions of wayward youths (chavs, wankers, you know the ones) credit for doing their darnedest to erase the international Anglo image of expensive hats, peerages, and porcelain clocks.  In ten years, when we think "U.K." it'll be casual sex, knife fights, and reckless drinking.  This story more or less summarizes the story of Future Britain: Miss England, Rachel Christie, attacked Miss Manchester, Sara Beverley Jones, in the wee hours at a nightclub. Miss England has relinquished her crown.  The fight was over a man.  His name is "Tornado," and he is the British equivalent of an American Gladiator.  More details, ATJ:

Tune In Tonight As a Psychic Finally Talks to Dead Michael Jackson

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6gL_Vn43Ug] Tonight at 10 (British o'clock) on Sky 1, professional chatter with the dead Derek Acorah is going to hit Michael Jackson up on his Heaven Nextel!  "Michael Jackson: The Live Seance" will be held "on an island ... in a secret location familiar to Jackson." "We have chosen genuine Michael Jackson fans and people who knew him throughout his life to take part in this event," Howell added. "Derek will also have a personal item from Michael Jackson, and will invite everyone to sit quietly and channel positive thoughts ... he can't force Michael to appear, but he will try inviting his spirit by creating welcoming environment." How much do you bet Michael Jackson appears?  I bet a million dollars that he does!  "The spirit seems to be making a punching motion.  Does anyone in the audience have a deceased friend or family member or favorite pop music performer who might find a "hit it" or "whack it" motion significant?  Perhaps something to do with a beloved pet or childhood toy or number-one-charting 1982 single?... OK, look, it's f*cking Michael Jackson, and he says, uh, thanks for liking my songs and, uh, don't forget to feed my chimpanzee." MTV via Idolator.